


Can't Help Myself

by alice_dualswordlesbian



Category: BanG Dream! (Anime), BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)
Genre: F/F, First Kiss, Fluff, Gay Disasters who know they're Gay Disasters and might just be relishing in it, because i will project onto them as much as i want, by the way they are also both trans here even if it isn't mentioned anywhere at all, other bandmates are mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-16 00:53:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29445111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alice_dualswordlesbian/pseuds/alice_dualswordlesbian
Summary: Apparently, love is supposed to feel scary. Your relationship will change, things won't be like they were before; you're breaking something, maybe even losing something, when your friend becomes someone you yearn for.Man, was she worried for nothing. Because it was obvious all along.
Relationships: Ichigaya Arisa/Okusawa Misaki
Comments: 15
Kudos: 30





	Can't Help Myself

**Author's Note:**

> hi stan gay people! i suddenly LOVE this ship
> 
> this was originally meant to go in my new oneshot collection but it ended up being a lil longer so hey! standalone upload!

"And then, Kasumi picked up the television and..."

"Jesus christ."

"Right? She's never got more than half her brain turned on."

Laughter travels through the lush sunset air. Two girls are walking home together, lingering close to each other as they do.

From her point of view, it's easy to be close to Misaki.

"Oh, god, that reminds me. Check this out." Misaki holds up what's possibly the most garbled drawing she's ever seen. "What do you think it is?"

Uh... okay, that's impossible to guess. It's a bunch of squares sitting on a line! "How should I know?" Arisa says. "Uhhhhh... maybe a stegosaurus?"

"It's yakitori."

Arisa'd spit her drink out if she had one. "You're kidding me. How?"

"Honestly? I don't know how I figured it out. Just my degree in Kokoro-speak, I guess." 

"Heh. You look so smug about it, it's almost cute."

"Wh-" 

THERE we go! That's the blush she wanted! Score one for Arisa, baby! ...Uh, hopefully she doesn't look too excited about it-

"I'm not the one who guessed the bread her entire band wanted to eat yesterday without asking!"

-Arisa then immediately experiences the blush she DIDN'T want; the one on her own face. "I-I picked it up from Saaya, that's all!"

"Uh-huh. Suuuure~."

Oh, she won't take that lying down. Arisa veers closer so she's smirking right in Misaki's face. "At least I KNOW I'm a simp for my band."

"I think you've got the wrong idea about me~."

"You can't pull the wool over my eyes, you Hello Happy shmuck."

Misaki giggles. "Fine, you got me, Popipa fiend. I like my clowns at least half as much as you do."

"...Pfffft. Ahahaha!" She stops on the side of the street for a moment. "Yeah, can't deny it. They're our clowns, aren't they?"

"Ahaha. Yeah, you're right."

She takes a moment to admire Misaki's pretty, gentle, warm and jovial smile. To Arisa, there's one word that epitomises Misaki more than any other: Home.

... _Uh_ , actually, back up a second, back up a second. Not like THAT! Not in a gay way or anything (although if she's being honest, being a little gay around Misaki is pretty fun). It's more like... Arisa doesn't feel on edge around her. Not at any point. Sure, Misaki can and will tease her (a fact that shocked her to her core when she first discovered it), but the thing about Misaki is that she's so bully-able that Arisa can just tease her right back. Ah, the joy of knowing someone who feels as much shame as you do; it's both a haven from the chaos of Popipa and a veritable goldmine for bullying.

...It's funny, really. She wanted to believe they were the same kind of rational, sane person, back when they first talked at the sakura party. Kindred spirits. And, well, she was right! Turns out they're the same kind of _awkward mess_. No point in them hiding that fact when they can see right through each other. Hell, if they're open about it, then they don't have to feel like they're being judged when they do something mortifying; because that means there's someone else nearby who knows how it feels. You don't get laughed at; you get a consolatory pat on the back and some jovial snark. And hey, not like it's the end of the world if they know they've both dropped some shame and gone off the deep end by now, right? That just means they've got more inane stories to share. It's... fun. Misaki makes her feel laid-back. Misaki-

"Hey, earth to Arisa?"

"Bwuh!"

Oh crap. She wasn't staring too hard, was she? ...Actually, would that even be a problem? She almost wants to keep staring. "You okay?" Misaki asks. "Believe me, I know how exhausting it is taking care of my friends' homework. You can come by my house again for hot chocolate if you want."

"Wow. That's forward of you."

"Is me being forward a bad thing?"

"Well, I'm not complaining," Arisa grandstands. "...But haven't you had part-time work today? You don't need to deal with having me over as well." 

"Eh, I'd hang out with you even if I was half-asleep."

Arisa pauses. "That's an exaggeration, right?"

"It's not hard. Remember that time we spent the entirety of lunch just taking a nap?"

"I mean, I'm pretty sure half the school did," she responds. "Exams were in full swing."

"Okay, wise guy, how about the time we all-nighter'd in your basement for the collab song? We barely even spoke."

"Ha. Point taken. Guess it doesn't take much energy for me to smile around you." 

Misaki blushes. "...Well, thanks."

Aw, cute- 

-W-wait, don't stare, Arisa. Just glance, so she doesn't think you're being weird. Sure, 'weird' isn't necessarily a bad thing nowadays, but that's not how their relationship is supposed to work! They can say vaguely gay things while still being casual about it, so stop acting like a-

-...Agh, deep breaths! It's Misaki. Chill out. You don't need to worry that much about how you act around her. "Then you're really okay with having me over again?"

"Mom and sis seem to love you. And it's Friday, anyway. Can always make it a sleepover."

" _Another_ sleepover with your good chum Arisa?" She nudges Misaki's arm. "What happened to 'everything in moderation?'"

"Isn't being around you moderation enough?"

Okay, now it's her turn to blush. Misaki is not acting normal tonight. "I-if I didn't know any better, I'd think that was a pick-up line!"

"Hmmm..." Misaki tilts her head and gives a nonchalant smile. "All I'm saying is, can't have too much of a good thing, right?"

...She says it so simply that the tension drops from Arisa's shoulders in an instant. "Well... I guess when you put it like that, another sleepover with you doesn't sound too bad." She puts her hands behind her head. "Still, I wasn't expecting to be flirted with. What's with you today?"

"D-don't put it like that," Misaki stammers. "We're used to this kinda talk by now, right? It's not like we're _actually_ flirting."

"Speak for yourself."

.

...

...Misaki stares at her. "W-what does that mean?"

She smiles.

"Arisa, what does that mean?!"

Then she just bursts into laughter. There's no one else she knows who she can mess with like this; it's the best. "Don't worry about it, don't worry!"

"Y-you're gonna give me a heart attack..."

Arisa relishes in that embarrassed face while it lasts; until eventually, they're just walking and chatting as usual again. Misaki... didn't mind that, did she? She doesn't actually seem all that bothered by it... or at least, Arisa hopes she isn't bothered by it. Hard to tell with Misaki sometimes.

Actually, at what point did they start talking like this to each other, even? Feels surreal. They weren't this mushy around each other when they first became friends. Part of her almost wants to yell at herself for being such a questionable gay-ass around her partner-in-sanity... but she just can't bring herself to be stressed about it. They've rambled, and ranted, and teased each other so many times at this point that it feels like being mushy really isn't as big a deal anymore. Hell, nowadays they can just compliment each other, no strings attached. No rebuttal necessary. It's... nice.

It feels nice to be closer to Misaki.

"Oh, check this website out." Without even thinking, she links her arm around Misaki's while showing her phone. "They're selling this little collection of felt animals. They kinda look like a band too, don't you think?"

"Ahaha, you're right," Misaki smiles. "Maybe I should make a lineup for Hello Happy World like that."

"That sounds nice. What'd everyone be?"

"Hm. Kanon's a jellyfish for sure. I can picture the little smile on it. And Kaoru'd probably want to be something majestic, so... maybe a peacock?"

"A bird of some kind sounds good. Maybe you could make it a little cutesy one instead of something fancy, just to see how she reacts~."

"Well, that's one route," Misaki chuckles. "But maybe I could also make it a falcon or something. Could help her with her height fear if she starts describing herself as one."

Before she realises it, she's staring warmly into those rain-kissed eyes again.

"Uh, Arisa."

She snaps out. "Oh! What's up?"

"Um, your arm."

...She looks down. "What about it?"

"D-do we... have to have them linked?"

Ohhhhh, here's another good opportunity. "I mean, I don't see why not~."

"Okay, seriously," Misaki laughs. "And you think I'm acting weird."

Then her heart pauses; as she realises that what she's doing might actually be very weird. "I-it's not a big deal, is it? This is basically normal for us at this point."

"Is it?"

...

...She stops. 

Did... she have the wrong idea, all this time? About how they felt about each other? M-maybe she's just been humouring herself without realising it. Thinking that Misaki might... m-might be... "...S-sorry," she stammers. "I'll-"

But she finds herself unable to tug her arm free.

"Eh? Misaki?"

Misaki's taken her hand, shyly looking away as she does. "It's fine. M-maybe you're right. Sorry for making a fuss of it."

"Huh? Wait, hang on! Don't apologize!" Arisa exclaims. "I'm the one acting like some Kaoru fangirl right now. Seriously, I didn't mean to make you feel gro-"

"Grossed out? Nah, I'm fine."

...She stops. Misaki's expression looks... so much calmer now.

"Seriously, I kinda like this. I know it sounds strange, but... if I take this casually, I don't feel as panicked about it. Feels nice anyway." She has that same calm smile she normally does; the blush is the only thing implying something more is going on. "Besides, I know you're not gonna judge me for it. You're probably too embarrassed at yourself as-is, right?"

"Wh-"

...God. Her cheeks almost burst into flames, until she realises; this is the exact same way their conversations always go!

"-Hah. Y'know what? Maybe you're right. And maybe," she snickers, "you're too embarrassed to judge me too."

Misaki lowers her cap. "Got me there."

Their fingers intertwine. They start walking again.

"...Your hand's pretty soft."

Arisa hums. "And yours feels like it's punched a lion before."

"That's... a compliment, right?"

"You don't see me letting go, do you?" She responds. "...Uh, look, I'm not very good at the flirting thing yet."

"Ha. Don't worry, me neither."

It feels so natural that Arisa wonders why she was even worried in the first place. Holding each others' hands seems like something they'd never dare to try in their lives, but... if they just take it casually, and realise how comforting it is, then... it doesn't feel so bad at all.

There's no need to panic when your partner's as mortified as you are.

"Hey... uh, Misaki," she says. "Before we stop by Ryuseido... wanna follow me somewhere? I know a shrine people don't visit often."

"...Sure. Sounds good."

They walk together, hand-in-hand. Not in silence, though. They keep chatting, just like always. Mentioning their friends' hijinks, asking advice for composition, arranging a hangout; the words flow out as if nothing's unusual about the way they're behaving. She... can't tell whether it's because they don't want to seem awkward, or because they don't care about seeming awkward.

Ha. Knowing her mess of a brain, it's probably both.

She stops halfway up the steps to the shrine and guides Misaki down a little forest path, taking her to one of the trees in a small clearing. "Here it is. Just the two of us, I guess."

"Nothing unusual. That's how we normally are when we're not with our bands."

"Huh. You're right, actually." Arisa chuckles. "Maybe we were already a little more... y'know, than we thought."

"A little more what?"

"D-don't make me say it."

"Hey, I can't say it myself without dying of embarrassment."

She grins. "Why? Do you have it that bad for me?"

"I can't tell what's worse." Misaki grins too. "How obvious it is that I like you, or how obvious it is that you like me."

"A-" She laughs; it's impossible not to at this point. God, they're putting their bands to shame. "Am I... really that unsubtle about it?"

"Yup. It's cute~."

She can't stop herself anymore. There's no point. She's having the time of her life. Her cheeks are warm as they can be, even in the middle of this cold-ass winter. 

So she loses all restraint. She starts moving without thinking again, reaching out her hand.

Misaki doesn't step away. 

...Emboldened, she grabs Misaki's shirt and pulls her over, leaning back against one of the trees. Misaki's right over her, barely a few centimetres away, her hands on the trunk, her arms wrapping around Arisa's shoulders... "You're not playing fair," Arisa manages. "If you want me to stop being so shameless, then stop being so pretty."

"What, it's my fault now?"

"I'm not Narcissus, bud. Whose else could it be?"

"...Wow. I must be acting pretty shameless myself if that's how I make you feel."

Misaki leans closer, her dorky face more tempting by the second. Arisa puts one hand on the back of her head and wraps the other around her back. And the entire time, they know they're yearning for this, no matter how much their banter suggests otherwise. It's part of the fun, even. It's the sign that they both feel the same way. 

"Man, this is bad," Misaki whispers, her breath close enough to tickle Arisa's ear. "At this rate, we'll end up as much clowns as our friends are."

"How about this, then?" She tugs Misaki's collar. "We'll only act like clowns around each other. Sound good?"

"...Ahaha. Yeah, no complaints from me."

Whenever Arisa stares at Misaki's black hair, she wonders if her lips taste like liquorice. But after a few minutes, she's completely convinced they're saccharine.


End file.
